


Don't let go

by taeku



Series: Reach me [1]
Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Taeil and Doyoung are superior don't @ me, Taeil is too pure what am i doing, it's longer than i expected, mention of homophobia at some point, slight mention of emotional abusing relationship, there will be smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 00:45:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15352482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeku/pseuds/taeku
Summary: Doyoung is a tease, Taeil won't deny that. He's a tease and he likes it very much. But Taeil's also too pure for this world, and that often gets him in trouble.





	Don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> This is just an excuse for me to write about Taeil topping Doyoung ok  
> But i really love them, so I regret nothing  
> This is a long mess so please settle comfortably and eat pop-corn  
> If you see any mistakes, since english isn't my first language, pls tell me  
> Anyways  
> Hope you enjoy
> 
>  
> 
> UPTADE : 25/11/18

 

The nights are getting colder as days pass. Winter is making its way, slowly but surely. Taeil smiles. He loves the feeling of cold wind on his face, the scent of snow just after it fallen, the lights being put on threes and houses. Taeil loves winter. With all his heart.

Making his way through uni, he inhales the fresh air. The cold sensation in his throat makes him smiles. It didn’t snow yet, it’s a little too soon, but he can’t wait. He’s impatient for the moment he’ll wake up to a white ground. But, he thinks, the best part is the before. Before it snows, when the sky is white and the air thick.

Adjusting his bag, he walks faster. He wants to eat something before coming back to his apartment.

“Taeil!”

Surprised, he looks around. Sicheng is walking towards him, his hands in his pockets, his shoulders up his neck to keep him warm. His cheeks are red from the cold, and Taeil finds him cute like this, all stuffed in his coat.

“Are you going to Johnny’s?” Sicheng asks, sniffing.

“I wanted to go home and eat something first”

“Can I come with you?”

Nodding, Taeil starts walking again. They don’t talk much on the way to the convenient store. They both choose ramens and sodas that Taeil pays for before quickly making their way to Taeil’s apartment. Sicheng, then, won’t stop complaining. Complaining about the cold and how his skin is going to be bad and all dry and Taeil can’t stop smiling. He even makes fun of him, a little. Once they’re inside the apartment, Sicheng sighs in relief and directly sits down on the sofa.  

Taeil’s apartment isn’t very big. It’s rather small, but it’s perfect for only him and the little money he has from his parents every month. Preparing the ramens, he glances at Sicheng. He’s tapping on his phone, face dark, and Taeil bets it’s because of his boyfriend. If boyfriend’s the appropriate words you can use to describe Ten.

Sitting next to him, Taeil hands him chopsticks and starts eating. He doesn’t have a TV, so they eat in silence for a time. The young man isn’t disturbed by it. He’s quite used to it, in fact, because their friendship is based on silence. Looking at Sicheng, he sees him playing with his food.

“I broke up with Ten” he says “Again”

Taeil puts down his boll. It’s not the first time this happens. In fact, it happens all the time. It’s annoying and tiring for everyone, especially since it isn’t the healthier relationship ever, but Sicheng can’t make up his mind and stop the relationship for good. God, did Taeil try to make him though.

“Are you ok?” Taeil asks, putting his hand on Sicheng knee.

“Yeah, I am just sick of this push and pull” answers Sicheng, before looking up at him “I don’t think I love him anymore”

Nodding, Taeil squeezes his knee. Half on hour later, they’re all finished and full. Looking at the time, Taeil notices that Johnny’s party is coming quickly. Getting up, he walks to his room, pulling his shirt off.

“I’m taking a shower” he says, coming back in the living room “Make yourself at home and stuff”

Sicheng gets up then, walking his way.

‘Taeil” he says, grabbing his forearm.

Turning over, he watches his friend bites his lips, doubt in his eyes.

“What is it?” he asks, frowning.

“Can I… Can I suck you off?”

Taeil doesn’t move for a couple of seconds, surprise all over his face. They had a thing before Ten arrived. They had a thing where they weren’t together or anything, but, sometimes, they would blow each other, sometimes have sex. Their friendship grew on that, and it never really got away, even when Sicheng got together with Ten. Sighing, Taeil shakes his head.

“We shouldn’t do that Sicheng”

Taeil knows. He knows this is how Sicheng gets his shit together, how he makes peace with himself. It would always happen and Taeil would always be the one Sicheng goes to for it. So he looks at his friend, really look at him. He sees the pain in his eyes, the desire to give pleasure and be appreciated, the need for validation.

“Please” he whispers “I want to”

They stare at each other for a moment before Taeil nods, slowly.

As Sicheng leans to kiss him and undo the buttons of his pants, Taeil knows it’s a bad idea.

 

-

 

Johnny’s house is big. Like, really big. It’s one of those typical house rich people have but don’t live in because they’re always traveling around. Johnny lives alone in it though, and is often lonely. That’s why he throws parties all the time. Taeil met him in one of his classes during his second year of college and they’ve been close since then. Taeil suspects him to be in some illegal activities, too, seeing the type of people that sometimes comes to the parties, but never did he dare ask questions. It doesn’t concern him anyway.

Walking in, he looks around. The music is loud and the place crowed. As usual. The first time, he got quite scared because he wasn’t used to big parties. He was the type that liked small, chill parties with ten people, sweet alcohol and some weed. But now, with time and Johnny always on his back, it became his second home.

Hand in hand with Sicheng, they make their way to the kitchen, looking for some drinks. Surprisingly, only Lucas is there. Greeting them with a strong high five, he gives them shots right away. Taeil isn’t fond of shots (especially those made by Lucas, too strong and somehow spicy) preferring vodka mixed with various juice, but he still drinks it, because, as usual, he’s too nice to say no and hurt his friend.

Plus, he’s here to get his mind out of college, so he goes all in.

Soon, he’s dancing in the living room, Sicheng glued to his torso. He’s not the best dancer, never will, but he likes the feeling of losing control, giving it all to the music. He doesn’t know how long he’s staying here, dancing and drinking. But at some point, tired, he makes his way back to the kitchen, pouring himself another drink. Breathing heavily, feeling too hot, he goes outside. Of course, Johnny has a pool, and of course, people are swinging in it, even if it’s cold outside. Alcohol has a weird way of making you numb to the cold.

The fresh air makes him feel good and he sits down on a random chair. Looking at people having fun, he drinks slowly. He doesn’t want to get _too_ wasted, and he already feels tipsy, so better not push it.

“You made it!”

Looking at where he heard the voice, Taeil watches Johnny getting out of the pool, a big smile on his face. Smiling back, Taeil gets up and shakes his friend’s hand.

“Are you alone?” Johnny asks, a towel on his head.

“I came with Sicheng”

Once Johnny’s dry, they make their way inside the house again. People are getting drunk, or are drunk already, making out or playing games all around. They make it safe to the kitchen where Sicheng and some other dudes are talking. Taeil doesn’t know any of them.

“Doyoung my man, how are you?” Johnny shouts.

Turning to Sicheng, Taeil smiles at him.

“You ok?” he asks, sitting next to him on the counter.

“Yeah… Ten texted me though”

Sighing, Taeil closes his eyes. He’s not on the good mental state to handle this. He needs a glass of water. His glance falls on one of the guys in front of him. His dark hair lazily falls in front of his eyes, dark too. His sharp jaw tenses when he takes a puff of the joint he has between his long, thin fingers. He’s gorgeous, Taeil thinks. Really gorgeous, in a dolly way.  

“Who’s that?” he ears himself asking.

“Doyoung” answers Sicheng “The guy with the red hair is Taeyong and the one making out with Johnny is Jaehyung. They’re all in physics together I think”

Taeil didn’t stop staring at the so-called Doyoung. Blinking, he then looks at the joint in between his lips. Noticing Taeil’s attention on him, Doyoung grins and moves his chin up.

“You want some?” he asks, daring.

Taeil simply nods, licking his lips. He’s weirdly incapable of saying anything. Fricking alcohol he can’t handle.

Smirking, Doyoung stands and walks towards him, taking a deep, long puff. His fluid gait gets Taeil dizzy and he can’t control his tongue wetting his lower lips. In one go, Doyoung spreads Taeil’s legs, slips between them and leans over, brushing their lips together. Instinctively, Taeil open his mouth and puts one of his hands in Doyoung’s hair. _Soft_ is the first word that comes to his mind when his fingers slide in between the strand of hair. And maybe - _only_ _maybe_ \- he wants to pull them a little, feel the softness harder in his fist.

Doyoung exhales, and Taeil inhales.

The smoke tickles his throat in a pleasant way. Taking a step back, Doyoung smirks at him, their lips strangely still close. Too close. Slowly, Taeil gets the smoke out of his mouth, eyes stuck to him. He’s a fucking tease. And Taeil loves it.

“What’s you’re name?” Doyoung asks, his voice resonating in Taeil’s head.

“Taeil”

Taeil is proud. Proud because his voice didn’t break nor did he need to do a second try at speaking. They smile at each other before Doyoung gets back to his former place. For a time, they don’t do anything else than listen to Johnny complaining about one of his teacher and how much he hates living alone but won’t allow any roommates. Taeil always found it funny, but he doesn’t say anything because he knows how much Johnny loves the fact that he can bring anyone home without any problems.

At some point though, Sicheng gets up and starts walking towards the door.

“I-I need to go outside for a minute”

Taeil frowns, watching him leave. He saw his hands shaking around his phone and that’s never a good sign. Getting up too, he follows his friend a minute later. He finds him in the front yard, phone against his ear, hand on his forehead.

“I told you not to call me again” he hears him say, voice a little shaking “No-I don’t care Ten, that’s not my problem”

 

-

 

When they first met, Taeil thought Sicheng was weird. Not weird in a bad way, just… weird, in how silent and innocently cute he was. His face though, was always kind of closed and his eyes were always kind of lost between doubt and stubbornness. Taeil liked him right away. He liked him right away because Taeil likes everyone at first sight. That’s the kind of person he is. Full of love and welcoming and unjudgmental. You could be the worst asshole on this hearth, he would still give you the benefice of the doubt.

Often, Taeil got hurt because of it. He got hurt and cried but never did he loose hope, never did he stop smiling. He kept giving people chances they didn’t deserve, kept being nice when he should have been mean.

During their second year of college, Sicheng and him got really close. They were best friends, shared a lot, went on week-ends together, little dates they wouldn’t call dates, kissed and had sex. The first time it happened, the sex, it was weird. A little uncomfortable. Shy. They laugh about it now, jokingly saying this is how they lost their virginity. But it got better -not that they would have sex that often, but still-, it got better. At some point, Taeil even thought he had feelings for Sicheng. He really thought they could be something. Not the most passionate, burning stuff, but still something. Cute and delicate, slow and weirdly romantic.

He believed it until the day Sicheng told him about Ten. He told him about Ten and his talent in informatic, told him about Ten and his love for videos games, told him about Ten and how he made him feel special. So Taeil backed down, smiled, said “I am so happy for you Sicheng, you deserve it”. And he really was happy for his friend. He really encouraged him and listened and met Ten a few weeks after that. He kept his feelings silent, pretended like his heart didn’t shutter every time Sicheng would smile at Ten, how he would look at him with that certain type of way.

Taeil was happy Sicheng would smile so much, laugh so much, love so much. He was happy until the day, after three months, Sicheng started being anxious again. He was happy until his friend called him crying every week, asking if he was good enough, if it was normal for Ten to hate him, if he was stupid for loving him so much. Taeil didn’t understand at first. He thought that maybe they had a fight, or were in a ruff situation, like it happens sometimes. But it seemed to last.

Sicheng began to be lost between doubt and stubbornness again. Stopped smiling and laughing as much. Started to pay too much attention at what Ten said, thought, the way he moved, the way he looked at things.

And that’s when Taeil understood.

He understood Ten wasn’t being good to Sicheng. He understood, even though he didn’t have any proof and couldn’t really do anything. He tried to talk with Sicheng, tried to make him understand that this wasn’t something that was supposed to happen. But his friend didn’t listen, didn’t want to see the reality of his situation, didn’t want to admit that Ten wasn’t the man of his life, like he desperately wanted him to be.

Taeil tried so, so very hard to protect Sicheng until the day they completely stopped talking to each other. Sicheng wouldn’t respond to his texts or calls, wouldn’t even look at him when they walked ass each other in the corridors. Taeil really didn’t know what to do, so he waited. He waited for Sicheng to come back to him, for days, weeks probably, he waited, and waited, and waited.

And one day, Sicheng came back to him, all shy and embarrassed. Said “sorry I won’t do it again, I was so stupid please forgive me”. Taeil forgave him, hugged him, smiled again. But this story was a vicious circle. Ten was a vicious circle Sicheng would always fall back into. And all Taeil could do was watch his friend lose himself, over, and over again.

 

-

 

Taeil watches Sicheng as he talks to Ten over the phone, hands and body shaking. He doesn’t know what to do. Part of him wants Sicheng to hang up but the other part wants to let Sicheng deal with it alone. He can’t stop himself though, when he sees tears falling down his cheeks. Quickly getting to him, he takes the phone away and hangs up. Sicheng looks at him, not saying anything. Sighing, Taeil pats his shoulder.

“You need to go home” he says “Wait for me here, yeah?”

Walking fast, he goes back inside, to the kitchen. Luckily, Johnny is still there.

“I need to go” he says to him “Sicheng doesn’t feel well”

Surprised, but not commenting, Johnny nods and shakes him goodbye. Taeil never talked about Sicheng’s situation to Johnny, but the latter wasn’t stupid, nor blind. So Taeil could always count on him to take care of things when him couldn’t. 

Turning over, he feels a hand grabbing him. Looking back, he sees Doyoung staring at him.

“Give me your phone”

Taken aback, and not really in the mood to argue whatsoever, Taeil does as told and watches as Doyoung enters his number.

“Call me some time around”

 

-

 

He didn’t call. In the two weeks that passed, he didn’t call nor texted. He thought about it, though. Sometimes, during class, he had this desire to call and see Doyoung again, but he never did it. He felt weird because he barely knew the guy, never actually talked to him, but he entered his head that night. And he didn’t seem willing to go anytime soon.

Taeil was busy with his classes, and that was a good enough reason for him not to enter in contact. It was a shitty reason, yes, he knew. He had nothing to lose, everything to gain. But, somehow, he was intimated. Or more like, he didn’t trust himself to take the right decision. 

Sicheng kept him occupied too. He would take care of him most of his free time. He thought, he hoped, that this time, it really was the end, that they wouldn’t go back together. But he was naïve. Naïve because of course Sicheng would forgive Ten. Naïve because of course they got back together. As always.  

At the end of the week, Johnny invited him over for some movie night. Tired of working all the time, Taeil was relief to get his head out of it.

So here he is, sitting in Johnny’s sofa, eating pizza. Some of Johnny’s friends are here, too. Including Doyoung. When Taeil saw him, he froze because _fuck_ , from all people, Doyoung had to be there. They didn’t say anything, just glanced at each other. Taeil felt embarrassed for a few minutes before shaking himself up. He had nothing to be embarrassed about. He had the right not to call him.

Apart from this, the night is nice. Johnny’s friends are cool and kind of funny, so Taeil doesn’t mind Doyoung. They would stare at each other sometimes, through the smoke getting out of their mouths. It’s kind of hot, Taeil thinks. He likes it, this game of stares. It excites him.

“My parents are coming back soon” whines Johnny “and I don’t know what to think about this”

“Aren’t you happy to see them again?” asks Taeil, smiling.

Johnny has a weird relationship with his parents. He hates and loves them at the same time, and to be honest, it’s confusing at times. It’s a touchy subject, Taeil learned it that time Johnny almost hit him in the face, after he asked a question he wasn’t supposed to ask.

Johnny laughs briefly before taking a sip of his beer.

“I don’t know, I kinda got used to be alone”

After this, they start playing video games. Excusing himself, Taeil goes to the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he notices that his eyes are red. From exhaustion or weed, he can’t tell. Maybe it’s both. Sighing, he washes his hands and gets out. A second later, Doyoung appears in front of him, blocking him. Surprised, Taeil stares at him, eyebrows frowned.

“You didn’t call”

Opening his mouth, Taeil swallows. Fuck. Here they are again. The proximity of their bodies makes him breath faster and he ~~loves~~ hates it.

“I didn’t” he responds, daring.

Taking a step forward, Doyoung pushes him against the wall, brushing their bodies against each other’s. Keeping his breath in, Taeil slightly bites his lips.

“Don’t you want to get dicked down?” whispers Doyoung, a smirk on his lips.

Jaw tensed, Taeil turns the situation around. Grabbing Doyoung’s writs, he switches positions. He ears Doyoung’s breath getting stuck in his throat when he hits the wall and _god,_ he likes this sound. He wants to hear it again. Smirking, he brushes their lips together, teasing.

“I’ll be the one dicking you down” he says, voice low “So if you want to be able to walk again, behave”

Doyoung bites his lips and fuck Taeil wants to tell him to stop. He wants to be the one biting those lips but he blocks himself from doing so. Taking a step back, he glances at him one last time before making his way to the leaving room.

 

-

 

“Do you hate me for getting back with Ten?”

Looking up from his books, Taeil glances at Sicheng. They’re sitting at the library, working on their assignments. Taeil has two of them to hand at the end of the week and he’s late. Very late. Hopefully, if he keeps a good speed, he’ll be find. Hopefully.

“Why would I hate you for this?”

Sicheng glances at him for a second before looking down again. He sighs. Scratches his chin.

“It’s just… You didn’t seem so please with the news”

Closing his eyes, Taeil shakes his head. Of course he was unpleased with the news, because he knows his friend is going to suffer again, but he doesn’t feel like he has the right to end the relationship for him. It wouldn’t work anyways. Ten always fond is way back. All Taeil wants is for Sicheng to learn his lesson once and for all and to do so, he has to let him make mistakes. Even when it means to watch him make mistakes over mistakes over mistakes, until he gets it.

“I don’t like Ten, you know it and you know why” he begins “and you also know that he will hurt you again but who am I to tell you what to do with your love life?”

Sicheng blinks, doesn’t say anything. Looking at the time, Taeil notices it’s almost time for his lecture. Getting up, he squeezes Sicheng’s shoulder.

“Only you can decide. I just hope that you will take the right decision at some point” 

 

-

 

Friday is the day Taeil hates the most. It’s always too busy, too boring, too long. Nothing good happens on Fridays. Usually. Today is an exception, apparently.

He’s tired and just wants to go home. He handed his last assignment and is now ready to sleep through the whole week-end. But Doyoung decided differently. Taeil sees him when he gets out of class. He’s nonchalantly smoking, a leg up, body against the wall. Taeil stares at him ~~admires him~~ for a moment before their eyes meet and a smirk appears on Doyoung’s face.  

“What are you doing here?” Taeil asks, getting closer.

“I wanted to see you”

Not expecting this, Taeil doesn’t know what to respond to that. It’s been another week since Johnny’s movie night, and he didn’t call him again. He wanted to, badly, but again, he didn’t trust himself to behave. Shaking his head, he frowns.

“How did you know I would be here?”

“I asked Johnny”

Closing his eyes, Taeil sighs. Of course Johnny would tell him. Johnny tells everyone everything. Scratching the back of his neck, he glances at Doyoung.

“Give me that” he says, pointing at the cigarette.

Doyoung gives it to him with a little smile and looks at him inhaling the smoke. They’re alone in the corridor now. Everyone is gone, too happy to be free.

“Do I repulse you that much?”

Taeil looks at Doyoung like he’s crazy. Him, repulsed by someone as beautiful as Doyoung? Laughing to himself, he shakes his head. All he dreamt about this past few weeks was knocking him on a bed and fuck him until he can’t take it anymore and begs for him to make him cum. Just the idea of Doyoung moaning his name makes him hard and he has to stop because he can’t have a boner right now. Especially not in front of him.

“You don’t”

“Why didn’t you call me then? Again”

Taeil clenches his jaw. That’s a good question. Why didn’t he call? Maybe because he didn’t know if he would be able to control the burning desire to have him pliant under him. Maybe because he wanted to take his time, for once, before getting ahead of himself.

It doesn’t help that Doyoung’s hand his on his chest now, slowly making its way down his stomach. Catching him before he can go further, he pushes his hand away.

“Don’t” he says, his voice lower than he wanted it to be.

“Why?”

Doyoung will never stop playing with him, Taeil realises. He simply won’t. So why resisting any longer? Licking his lips, he leans over and catches Doyoung’s lips. The sensation of his chapped lips against his sends electricity all over his body and he can’t control the shaky breath coming out of his mouth. It’s not a gentle kiss at all. It’s hard, more tongue than lips, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because Taeil likes it. He pushes Doyoung against the wall, blocks his body from moving and kisses him harder, deeper. They kiss until they can’t breathe anymore, can’t feel their lips. Only then, they break apart. They breathe heavy and fast and Doyoung catches Taeil’s hair with his hands, making him kiss him again.

Doyoung tastes like tabaco and mint. And something else, like orange or something. Taeil likes it. Making his hands travel down, he grabs his ass and squeezes it. Doyoung groans, a mixed of surprised and pleasure that makes Taeil’s head spin. Breaking the kiss, he sucks Doyoung lips before stepping away.

“I’ll call you” he says, breathless.

“What?”

Doyoung looks scandalised and Taeil can’t blame him. He would be too.

“I said I’ll call you”

“But I want to fuck now!”

Closing his eyes, Taeil inhales deeply. _Fuck._ He will break his already fragile decision if he keeps saying things like that.

“Why rushing things? It will be better if we make it last”

On that, he turns away and walks outside, legs trembling. All he can hear is his own heartbeat and Doyoung cursing him.

 

-

 

Taeil called him. On Monday, during his lunch break. All week-end, all he did was thinking about Doyoung, the sensation of his lips against his, his hands on his hair, grabbing and pulling. And he wanted more. So much more. So he called. And Doyoung didn’t make him wait. He answered at the second ring, a smile on his voice.

“I am still mad at you for letting me with a semi the other day” was the first thing Doyoung said when he picked up.

“It’s part of the game” he said back, smiling.

“Oh, so we’re playing now?”

Doyoung’s tone was daring and velvety. Taeil shivered. And they played. They would text during the day and at night. More than once, Taeil had a boner just by reading Doyoung’s texts and he thought that when he could, he would make him his.

 

-

 

The fact that Johnny was into some illegal things was confirm when he invited him to go to some car racing one night. At first, Taeil said no, because why the fuck would he go to something like this during a week day? Why would he go to something like this at all?  Him, the steady, clean, innocent Moon Taeil? But after what seemed like hours of whining and begging because Johnny had no one else to go there with, he gave up and said yes.

That’s why he’s here now. In some old parking lot, in the middle of the night, surrounded by cars and motorbikes and people. A lot of people. More than he thought there would be. Staying near Johnny, not wanting to lose him, he follows him through the crow. The people here are not the type of people he expected to see. In his head, car racing is cliché and full of punks and weird deals. But it’s not that at all. Most of the people here are wealthy kids. Of course, there’s some tattooed ones, people Taeil knows he shouldn’t fuck with. And he has no intention to.

Swallowing, he looks around. It’s scary but exciting at the same time. It’s a whole new world, something Taeil never thought he would see. And yet, here he is.

Handing him a beer, Johnny smiles. He looks unbothered, and Taeil bets he is because that’s his universe. A lot of people stopped to look at him and greet him, sometimes joke with him. Taeil feels like an outcast, but no one seems to care about him, which is a good thing. Slowly drinking his beer, he takes a look at the cars. He doesn’t know much about cars, could barely give a brand name if asked to, but he can still appreciate the designs. Stopping in front of a red car, the sportive kind, not the customized ones, he doesn’t notice someone approaching him.

“I didn’t know you were into cars”

Jumping away, Taeil looks at Doyoung. What the fuck is he doing here? But, after all, is it surprising? Blinking, he licks his lips.

“I am not” he says, regaining his composure “Johnny begged me to come”

Pushing himself against the car, Doyoung looks at him up and down, biting lips _again._

“So you’re weak for begging, uh?”

He _didn’t._ Keeping his breath in, trying to control it, Taeil stares at Doyoung. This boy has no filters and _god_ Taeil is weak for it.

“Perhaps”

Before Doyoung can answer that, Johnny comes their way, bright smile on his face.

“Come on guys, there’s a race on the way”

Glancing one last time at Doyoung, Taeil follows Johnny to the front line. People are tensed, excited and it slowly grows on him too. The two women driving for the race glance at each other through their windows. Engines are rowing, people are betting, chatting, cheering louder. And before he can tell, the cars are driving away. In the effervesce, Taeil notices that Johnny and Doyoung are gone, leaving him alone. Cursing, Taeil gets out of the crow, looking around, but there’s no sign of his friends anywhere. Sighing, he walks to the car Doyoung met him a moment ago.

He feels like a kid who’s lost his mom and has to wait for her to come search for him.

There’s people around it now. A girl is sitting on the hood, smiling to some guys drinking. Standing a couple of meters away, he gets his phone out, in case Johnny called him, but no, his notifications are empty. Sighing again, he looks up. One of the guy near the car is staring at him. Staring back, Taeil doesn’t think it’s a good idea to do that, especially to some stranger, in a situation like this, because what if he gets the wrong idea and beats him up? Shivering, he looks away.

“You’re a new one”

There’s no aggression in the voice. Looking back, Taeil stares at the same guy he was looking at seconds ago. He didn’t see him coming to him. Swallowing, he nods.

“I am”

Smiling, the stranger hands him a bottle of beer.

“What brings you here?” he asks, leaning his head on the left.

“My friend dragged me”

Laughing slightly, the stranger nod. His long hair fall in front of his eyes and his mouth takes a good portion of his face. But it’s not unattractive, Taeil thinks.

“How do you find it?” he asks, getting a little closer.

“It’s… euh… nice?”

Smiling at his hesitation, the stranger pushing him with his shoulder.

“You’ll get used to it”

Frowning, Taeil looks away. The idea of coming back didn’t make its way in his head, but now that it’s present, he’s not sure he will come back. It’s not him, he thinks. He doesn’t belong here. Looking at the right, he notices Johnny staring at him in a weird, worried way. Opening his mouth to call him in, he stops himself when Johnny walks to him. Standing a couple of meters away from them, he glances at the stranger.

“Yuta” he says, jaw tensed, and Taeil senses that something is not right. Johnny is _never_ tensed.

“Johnny boy” smirks the so-called Yuta.

Taeil can feels the tension growing up and it gets worst when Doyoung makes an entrance, looking like he’s reading to throw wrists. Clearing his throat, Taeil turns to Yuta.

“It was nice meeting you” he says “I’m going with my friends now”

But he can’t move because Yuta has his arm in his hand and won’t let go.

“I don’t think we’re finished yet” he speaks.

“I think you are” Doyoung snaps back, taking a step forward.

Taeil closes his eyes. Why is he the one in this situation? He should have stayed at home, he thinks. He should have stayed at home and sleep. _Oh God_ , he thinks. What if they start fighting? Taeil isn’t a fighting person. He never saw anyone in fight before and certainly never was in one before.

“Why so defensive?” laughs Yuta, moving too.

They’re so close now, and Taeil doesn’t like that. Glancing at Johnny, he notices that him too doesn’t seem to like the situation. Grabbing Doyoung’s shoulder, he makes him step back.

“Come on guys, let’s not do this”

Taking advantage of the fact that no one is looking at him, Taeil rapidly makes his way to Johnny. Contrary of what he thought when they talked, Yuta doesn’t seem like a nice person to be around anymore. They glance at each other before Yuta smiles coldly, taking a step back.

“Yeah, take your bitch back”

Taeil doesn’t like violence. As said before, he’s never been in a fight, nor did he ever hurt someone or been hurt. That’s why when Doyoung pushes Yuta right in the nose, he gasps and cover his mouth. _Fuck_. They really are fighting now. Johnny is quick to intervene, separating the two boys fighting. But they don’t seem like stopping until someone screams “COPS”.

In a matter of seconds, it’s chaos. People are running around like they’re about to die and Taeil can’t see clear. He feels Johnny grabbing him and taking him away, to the car they came in. The adrenaline keeps him from shaking. He’s like a robot. Turning his face around, he sees Doyoung, nose and lips bleeding, smirking at Yuta before turning over and running to a motorcycle.

As they’re living the parking lot, Taeil can’t stop thinking about the fact that Doyoung fighting and bleeding like this was - _kind of_ \- hot.

 

-

 

Sitting at the back of the library, Taeil has been writing assignments all day. A migraine is slowly making its way but he needs to finish all his work so that he’ll be able to have a week-end free of any kind of uni activity.

Sicheng abandoned him half way through because Ten wanted to see him. Taeil didn’t say anything but the look he gave his friend meant a lot.

He thought he would be alone until evening, at peace and unbothered by someone else. But Doyoung had other ideas. Of course. Because he has that capacity of appearing in front of him in the least expected times.

Suddenly sitting in front of Taeil, he simply smiles at him and starts writing papers. Looking at him, Taeil notices that he has cuts on his bottom lips, probably due to the fight he had a couple of days ago. He and Johnny didn’t talk about it at all. Taeil tried though, asking who this Yuta was and why he seemed so tensed around him, but his friend refused to answer, pretending that it wasn’t important.

Refocusing on his papers, Taeil doesn’t do anything other than work for the next two hours. Around 6 p.m., done with his papers, he sighs. Looking up at Doyoung, he notices that he’s been staring at him.

“You’re done?” he asks, playing with a pen.

Taeil nods, says “You?” and Doyoung nods back. It’s silence for a minute. Taeil stares at Doyoung, who’s staring back, unapologetic.

“Wanna go somewhere?” Doyoung wonders, biting his lips.

Grinding his teeth, Taeil breathes in deeply. But fuck decency, he tells himself. He waited long enough. Nodding, they get up and make their way out of the library. They’re in Taeil’s apartment in no time but it seemed like an eternity for both of them.

Pushing him against the wall, Doyoung takes control of the kiss. It feels good, just that kiss, and Taeil wants more, so, so much more.

Making out with Doyoung is a special thing to do. Special because the taste of his mouth is something Taeil never tested and frankly, he’s obsessed with it. Obsessed with Doyoung’s mouth. Sucking on his lip, he breaks apart, breathless.

“Bed” he mutters before pushing Doyoung to the door. Once again, he thanks the gods for his small apartment. Getting read of his shirt and socks, he watches Doyoung do the same. And he hisses. Because fuck, Doyoung torso is to die for. He’s not that muscular but his muscles are there, pliant, nervous, and Taeil bites them. He bites his stomach, his shoulders, his neck. Damn, his _neck._

Panting, Doyoung closes his eyes and loses himself in the sensations. He groans and moans when Taeil bites the sinew of his neck. Pulling his hair up, Doyoung kisses him again and gasps in surprise when Taeil rolls his hips. The friction of the fabrics is almost painful but also feels so good.

Taeil is out of breath. Doyoung is so soft, he notices. Soft and full of nerves and he likes sucking on his nipples to have him moan. They keep doing this for some time. Touching, exploring, tasting. But soon, the pressure is too much. Getting up on his knees, Taeil undoes the buttons of his jeans while Doyoung watches him, biting his lips. And seeing him like this, eyes full of lust and breathless under him makes him lose his mind. His dick is so hard it hurts.

“Take them off” he breathes, pointing at Doyoung’s pants.

A couple of seconds after, they’re naked, touching again. Stretching out his harm, Taeil looks for lube and condoms he keeps in his nightstand and throw them on the bed.

“How do you want it?” he asks, breaking the kiss.

“Like this is fine” Doyoung says, smirking.

Without waiting any longer, Taeil gets the lub and spread it in his fingers. Spreading Doyoung’s leg more, he kneels between them and starts playing with his hole. Doyoung tenses his jaw and stares at him, daring, demanding. Taeil enters a first finger. There isn’t a real resistance and Taeil doesn’t know why, but it excites him even more. Getting it in and out for a few moments, he adds a second finger. This time, it’s harder and Doyoung makes a face. Taeil slows his speed a little, watching him relax and take it all.

Doyoung is beautiful like this. Moaning quietly, biting his lips. Scissoring him, he tries and enters a third finger. He stops his movements a bit, letting Doyoung get used to them and only keeps going when he tells him to. Looking down at his untouched dick, he smirks. Taking the head in his hand, he starts caressing him, up and down, slow and tight. Doyoung gasps loudly, arching his back, thighs shaking a little. And Taeil takes pleasure on watching him enduring his torture.

“Oh my God, stop” Doyoung breaths “stop, don’t make me cum yet”

Taking his fingers out, he takes the condom and puts it on quickly, adding more lub on it before positioning himself. Doyoung bites his lips harder, waiting for what’s coming next. Hand around his waist, Taeil lifts him up a little, easing the movement. Purposely going slow, Taeil watches Doyoung’s face changing, watches his chest going up and down faster. They both gasp when, finally, he’s completely in. Forehead against forehead, they stay still a few moments.

Doyoung moves first, gasping at the sensation of Taeil’s dick in him. Getting the message, Taeil starts moving. Slow first, then a little faster, he takes his time to find Doyoung’s angle, see where he likes it. It takes a few minutes, but when Doyoung moans loudly, breathing “fuck, here, just… right here”, he speeds things up. Trying to keep the same angle at each thrust is hard, but Taeil tries his best. Doyoung’s moans are like music to his ears and he too moans louder when the burning feeling in his stomach begins to grow.

“Let me be on top” whispers Doyoung suddenly, breathless.

Nodding, Taeil lets him switch position and sit on him. Positioning his dick correctly, Doyoung sits on it in one go, making them gasps and arch their backs.

Doyoung is beautiful, even more than usual. Body shaking, hair a little wet with sweat, stomach contracting and face full of pleasure. Seeing him like this, looking all shameless, makes Taeil’s vision blurry. Moaning, he moves his hips and helps Doyoung move. It becomes messy, at some point, when both of them feel their orgasms growing. Masturbating himself, Doyoung leans his head back.

“Fuck” he says “I’m close” and again “I am close”

Contracting his muscles one last time, Taeil gives stronger thrusts, reaching his orgasm quickly after, biting his lips, trying to contain it. Doyoung’s climax arrives shortly after, Taeil working him thigh and fast. Both panting and tired, they stay still a few seconds before Doyoung gets out of Taeil’s dick, falling beside him. Taeil gets up then, getting read of the condoms and looking for some water.

Doyoung smiles lazily when he hands him a glass and they drink in silence. The bed isn’t that big, so they’re kind of laying on each other, but they don’t mind. Finally, Doyoung looks up.

“Can I stay over the night?”

 

-

 

Winter break is here. Finally. Tired but excited, Taeil gets out of his train, looking for his parents. They’re waiting for him a couple of meters away, waving. Smiling, he walks to them. He missed them. A lot. His mother hugs him thigh, asking all sorts of questions about college, about his friends, about everything, in fact. His father pets his head before taking his suitcase.

Half an hour later, he’s home. Smelling the scent of food, he directly goes to the kitchen where Jungwoo, his brother, is making dinner. They greet each other, talking a bit, before their mother comes in and steals the show, while their father is lazily drinking a glass of water.

Taeil missed this. Missed being with his family. He loves living alone, don’t get him wrong. He cherishes his independence with all his heart, but being back feels good. Really good.

Christmas day is special for them. A lot of their close family members are living across the country, overseas even, so this holiday is the only occasion they have to reunite and spend time together, catching up. Sitting on the sofa with Lisa, one of his cousins, Taeil laughs.

“I swear” says Lisa “he just kept on looking at me the whole time! It was so creepy”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“For him to take this as an invitation to start talking to me? Never in my sane life”

Laughing even more, they get up when his grandma calls them out. Uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents are all reunited around the table, table that’s too small, by the way. Taeil couldn’t contain his laughter when he saw the face of his mother, astonished and unhappy to see that her installation wouldn’t be enough.

Dinner is delicious, as always, thanks Jungwoo, future chief. Taeil always liked to tease him about this, but he was always supportive of him. Chief is a hard job, but it’s a great one, and he knew his brother would do great.

“So, Taeil” starts his aunt “how’s college? Anything new happening?”

“Not really” he says “Always the same thing”

“He has a boyfriend” smirks Lisa.

Taeil closes his eyes. He knew he shouldn’t have talked about Doyoung to her. Coldly glancing at her, he shakes his head. Sighing, he takes a bite of his food, trying to hide the blush forming on his cheeks.

“He’s not my boyfriend”

“Yet”

Swearing, he throws her a piece of bread that gets lost in her long hair. Shooting a fake offended exclamation, she throws one back before Taeil’s mom starts yelling at them for wasting food. Dinner continues peacefully, gifts are given and kisses are throw all around.

Taeil feels at peace. More at peace than he felt for the last couple of weeks. Smiling to himself, he dreamily washes the dishes. Too lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t hear Jungwoo coming his way.

“Wake up sleepy head” he says to him, a smile in his voice.

Taken by surprised, Taeil jumps and almost broke the glass he has in hands. Swearing at him, he shakes his head, not without a small smile on his face. They stay silent for a moment, simply cleaning, until Taeil feels his brother’s eyes on him.

“Whatever you want to ask Jungwoo, just ask”

Blushing a little, Jungwoo laughs before clearing his throat.

“I just… about that not boyfriend of yours….”

Stopping what he was doing, Taeil turns to Jungwoo, brows lightly frown. Jungwoo seems embarrassed but still decided to speak up. Taeil doesn’t press him, not really sur if he wants to hear what his brother has to say about his non-existent relationship with Doyoung.

During the few weeks that passed between their first… encounter… they started spending more time together. It was for sex, mostly. At least at first. But it slowly began something else, something more. They started to go out. Bars, little fast-food restaurants, movies. Little dates they wouldn’t call dates. But never did they talk about what they were, really, and even if Taeil kind of liked their situation, he still, deep down, wanted to put words on it. No matters the words. Boyfriends, friends with benefits, convenient company during a lonely time. He just needed them to build his own boundaries. Maybe protecting himself, too, in the process.

“Just… don’t get hurt, yeah?”

Blinking, Taeil stares at Jungwoo, no knowing what to say. His brother always been a good observer, always here even when he didn’t say anything. That’s why Taeil always find it remarkably easy to talk to him, confess, ask for advices. He’s so very touched by Jungwoo’s words that the only thing he’s able to do his puts him into a tight hug, face buried in his shoulder.

“I won’t” he says, voice stuffed by the t-shirt.

They finish up the dishes quickly after this, Lisa hurrying them so they could start watching “Rise of the Guardians” sooner. Twenty minutes into the movie, half of his little cousin are asleep, stuffed in the blankets. Yawning, he shakes his phone and frowns when he sees Doyoung texted him a couple of minutes before.

 

 **Doyoung**  
[00h12] Occupied?

 **Taeil**  
[00h20] Just watching movies with my cousins

 **Doyoung**  
[00h21] Can I call you?

 

Frowning, Taeil gets up as quietly as he can before putting his jacket on and going in the garden, where he knows no one will listen to them. Doyoung calls him just a minute later. His breath is shaking, like he’s been crying. Taeil has a bad feeling about this.

“Hi” says Taeil, sitting on a chair.

“Hey”

Yeah, he’s definitely been crying. Why, Taeil doesn’t know, but has a small idea. Not wanting to make assumption based on the very little information he had, he simply sighs.

“How have you been?” he asks, voice soft.

“So great”

Doyoung’s voice is bitter. Licking his lips, Taeil looks at the ground.

“What happened?” he asks.

It’s kind of a risky question, seeing how Doyoung gets defensive everytime Taeil tried to be here for him, emotionally. But since it’s Doyoung who wanted to talk, the same Doyoung that told him multiple times he didn’t like talking about what he felt, especially when it was negative feelings, he takes his chance.

“Nothing” Doyoung shouts before taking a deep breath “Nothing, just-just…. my parents”

“What did they do?”

Because he never talked about them, Taeil doesn’t know how to act. He doesn’t want to upset him more, but maybe Doyoung needs to talk about it. Waiting on an answer, he looks at his parent’s house. His family is watching Christmas movies or playing games, looking happy. It’s always been like that for him: a welcoming and understanding family. Doyoung, on the other hand, seems to be in the complete opposite situation.

“They make me so fucking angry. All the time” Doyoung’s voice breaks and maybe he’s crying again “I fucking hate them” he continues, sniffing.

Taeil stays on the phone for an hour, listening to Doyoung’s breath, his broken voice, his broken words. They don’t actually talk much after that, mostly because doesn’t want to speak about it. “Just stay with me for a while, yeah?” he asks “Just… be there”. So Taeil does that. He stays there, stays for him, comforting him.

And when Doyoung tells him he wished he was here, with him, Taeil feels the same.

 

-

 

Ever since Doyoung came back from his parents’ house, he’s been acting weird. Classes started again and he missed the first two weeks. Taeil tried to call him, text him, but he didn’t answer. One day, he just popped up at Johnny’s house, black circles under his eyes, hands hurt, like he’s been fighting. He looked skinnier, too, and Taeil got worried.

So he took him apart, not letting him a chance to escape.

“How are you?” he asked him, worry in his eyes.

“I am fine” Doyoung said, smirking, then leaning to kiss him.

Even his kisses felt different. Different in a way Taeil couldn’t understand, couldn’t explain. Kissing for a while, Taeil almost forgot why they were talking in the first place. Breaking the kiss, he looked at Doyoung.

“What happened during the break? You’re acting… weird. Different.”

Doyoung just laughed at the words, but it was bitter. He kissed him again. He didn’t get anything out of him that night.

 

-

 

They’re in the library now, Taeil working on his work, Doyoung catching up on what he missed. But he’s not focused. In fact, all he does is looking at his phone, typing, playing with his pens. Taeil tries to ignore that, but at some point, it gets too much.

“Can you stop, please? It’s annoying”

He tried to talk neutral, but his frustration must have been clear, because Doyoung looks at him with narrow eyes. Sighing, Taeil scratches his neck before looking down at his work.

“You know what?” Doyoung says, getting up “I have to go. See you”

Taeil opens his mouth, surprised. He looks at Doyoung walking away, not knowing what to say, or what to do. He feels lost. More helpless than he’s ever felt before.

 

-

 

He didn’t see Doyoung for the rest of the week. This time, he didn’t try to contact him. If he wanted to talk to him, he’ll be the one taking the first step. Not Taeil.

Getting out of the shower, Taeil looks at his phone. Johnny texted him, asking him if he wanted to come party at his house, but Taeil doesn’t feel like going out. Getting in his pj’s, he sits on his sofa. He loses himself on YouTube, like he often does when he has nothing to do. He might have fallen asleep, because when he wakes up, he can’t see anything, it’s too dark outside. Opening his phone, he notices that it’s the middle of the night. And someone is knocking at his door.

Scrubbing his eyes, he gets up. He wonders who this could be because he doesn’t know a lot of people that would come visit him at this hour. It tilts when he gets at the door. It must be Sicheng, dumped by Ten. _Again_. Sighing, he opens the door, expecting to find his friend crying. But to his surprise, it’s not Sicheng standing in front of his apartment. But Doyoung. Nose, lips and hands bleeding.

Gasping, he whispers “what the fuck” before making him enter. Guiding him to the bathroom, he then looks for alcohol and bandages.

“What the fuck happened to you Doyoung?” he asks, turning to him.

“I got into a fight”

Doyoung seems unbothered by the situation, like it was nothing. Blinking, Taeil stares at him for a minute. He doesn’t know what to say, what to feel, how to react to this because something like this never happened to him before. He’s a simple man. With a simple life. But Doyoung is changing everything.  

“With who?” he asks again, pouring alcohol on a tissue.

“Some guy at some bar”

The anonymous names make Taeil shiver. It’s like the person and the place didn’t matter because it would have happened anywhere anyways. Doyoung hisses when alcohol touches his injuries, but Taeil doesn’t care about that. Instead, he delicately touches his nose, verifying.

“It’s not broken” whispers Doyoung, leaning on the sink.

They don’t say anything after that. Taeil doesn’t know why he’s more pissed than worried or scared right now, but he is. He’s pissed because he doesn’t know what is happening to Doyoung and he feels like he can’t help him, no matter what he does, what he tries.

Once he’s all cleaned up, Doyoung goes sit on the sofa, sighing loudly. Taeil stays up, looking at him.

“What is happening to you?” he finally asks.

He never saw him like that. During the few months they’ve passed together after that first hook up, Doyoung was always a happy kid. He never seemed like the kind that would fight at bars in the middle of the night or miss college. Except for that one time at the car racing. But again, the situation wasn’t the same. It hits Taeil now, how little he knows about Doyoung, about his life, his past, his desire for the future. He only knows minimal things that don’t really matter. And it annoys him. Because he wants to know. He wants to learn about every little detail of Doyoung, he wants to know how to decipher the way he breathes, wants to be able to step up for him, wants to talk with no words. He wants, wants, wants so much it’s annoying.

“Nothing”

“Doyoung”

Taeil’s voice gets lower. Because fuck, he needs an answer, not some lame excuse.

“You’ve been weird ever since winter break. Is it because of your parents? Did they do anything to you?”

Doyoung gets up, clearly annoyed.

“I told you not to ask questions” he says, jaw tensed.

“Why not? I need answers Doyoung, I can’t pretend like nothing is happening”

Before he can say anything else, Doyoung kisses him. But Taeil isn’t the type to get distracted by this. Not in situations like that. Getting away, he shakes his head.

“Why do you want to know so bad?” shouts Doyoung, raising his voice.

His eyes are full of annoyance and pain, and Taeil doesn’t like seeing him like this. He doesn’t want to see him like this. Taeil feels like he’s standing in front of Sicheng again. He feels like he’s incapable of helping someone he cares about and he hates it so much. Taeil is a capable person. He knows how to take care, help, talk, clean after. He’s a very fucking capable person. So why _why_ can’t he help him?

The thing is, with Sicheng, he knows. He knows the problem, the reason, the way to help and be there. With Doyoung, on the other hand, he’s clueless. He has zero idea about how to be, act, speak, help. It’s a sensation he’s not used to and doesn’t want to be used to. Never.

“Because I care about you” he says back, equally angry now.

Saying something like that this early in a somewhat relationship is not always a good idea. Taeil knows that. But he’s too honest to lie. Sure, situation like that can create issues and conflicts, especially because they never talked about the root of their relationship, but Taeil had to say it. At least he’s not lying to himself or pretending.

“You shouldn’t be caring about me”

Doyoung speaks with a sad voice, suddenly, and Taeil is distraught.

“What do you mean?”

Doyoung looks at the ground now, clinching his hands. The silence gets so loud Taeil is ready to break it, but Doyoung speaks first, in a so little voice he has to listen carefully to get it right.

“I am not… I’m not good enough for you”

And Taeil hates it. He hates the way Doyoung’s eyes get watery, how he trembles, how vulnerable he looks, in this tiny apartment.

“I’m not good enough for you and I’m scared-scared of the moment you’ll realise it and dump me for someone better. Someone worth your time”

 Taeil stays silent for a long moment. Blinking, he stupidly stares at Doyoung. All his anger disappears, replaced by a sudden pain in his chest. He didn’t know Doyoung could feel like this. Feel so... unimportant. Especially to him. Did he give him the wrong impression? Did he act like he didn’t care? Did he do, say, look like he would dump him after he had a good enough time?

Shaking he’s head, almost letting the tears in his eyes fall, he takes a few steps forward and cups Doyoung’s face in his hands. Slowly, so very slowly, he brushes their lips together.

“Never say that again. Please. Don’t say that again”

Breathing deeply, he pushed his forehead against Doyoung’s, inhaling his sent.

“I would never dump you Doyoung, never like that. I… I like you and you’re good _,_ Doyoung. You’re _good_ ”

He swears he can see a tear falling down Doyoung’s cheek and he suddenly wants to cuddle him and makes him feel safe but he doesn’t move, doesn’t want to push him.

“I am sorry” Doyoung murmurs “I really want to tell you things. I really do but I can’t… not now”

Taeil stares at him for a time, deciding if he’s satisfy with that answer or not. Seeing Doyoung like this, so fragile, makes his heart weak. Later, he decides. They’ll talk later, when they’re both ready. Getting closer to him, he takes him in his harms, petting his head. Right away, Doyoung tighten the hug, hiding his face in his neck. They stay like this for a while, breathing each other, before Taeil feels fatigue coming back. Taking Doyoung’s hand, he guides him to the bed. Getting read of his cloths, the boy makes himself at home. And they fall asleep, curl in each other’s harms.

The next morning, when Taeil wakes up, he feels warm. Blinking, looking down, he sees that Doyoung is staring at him. Taeil smiles a little, getting in a more comfortable position.

“Morning” he whispers

“Morning”

Doyoung then kisses him. Soft. Delicate. Who cares about morning breath when kissed like this? It’s been a little while since they kissed, and Taeil missed that. So he kisses him back, caressing his cheek with the point of his fingers. Shivering, Doyoung swiftly gets on top of him, sliding in between his legs. They kiss for a moment, relearning about the other’s body. They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, like they needed this to breath, like they were addict, like all that matters was just _them_. Them in bed, them, cuddling, them feeling each other.

Breaking the kiss, Doyoung starts kissing Taeil’s neck, biting him tender. Taeil moves his head, exposing more skin for him to taste.

“I wanna fuck you so bad” Doyoung breathes, in between two kisses.

Taeil pulls his hair, forcing him to look at him.

“I don’t know if you deserve that” he teases, sucking on the other boy’s lips.

Doyoung moans slightly, pressing their bodies a little more. Moves his lips in a lazy motion.

“Please” he demands, eyes glittering.

Taeil can’t resist him. Not when they haven’t been this soft in so long. He doesn’t even think they were like this even once since they started this. It’s as if something had changed during the night. Like a silent promise was standing between them.

Nodding, he lets Doyoung kiss him, deeper, harder. Getting hard is easy, especially since it’s morning. So they’re quickly naked and touching each other. The air is thick, hot, but the softness stays, strong. Kissing him on the chest, Doyoung looks up at Taeil. There’s something in his eyes that Taeil can’t read but it’s full of something good, so it doesn’t really matter. Going further down, Doyoung plays with his thighs. He kisses them, leaves mark and Taeil is pliant under him, moaning.

When he starts blowing him, Taeil gasps. The feeling of Doyoung’s warm and wet mouth on the head of his cock makes him warm and he arches his back, moves his hips, searching for more sensation. Doyoung plays with his tongue, tickle his balls, licks his length. It’s not that well coordinate (he’s not the best at giving heads) but Taeil still likes it. He likes it because he likes Doyoung and everything he does. He gasps in surprise when Doyoung turns him over in a swift, easy motion.

With his butt fully exposed, Taeil feels vulnerable, but the feeling is quick to be gone when Doyoung stars eating him up. Where he’s not really good at giving heads, he’s strangely good at eating ass. Taeil doesn’t complain. Shivering at the sensation of Doyoung’s tongue around his rim, slowly entering him, circling, getting back and forth, Taeil doesn’t try to restrain his moans. Soon, he’s panting and asking for more.

“Where’s the lub babe?” Doyoung asks then, getting up.

Dizzily, Taeil points at his nightstand. Quickly, Doyoung takes what he needs and gets back in between his legs. This time, he uses his fingers to open him a little more before he puts the condom on.

“Is like this ok?” he asks, adjusting Taeil’s hips in front of him.

“Yeah, it’s fine” breathes Taeil, looking up at him “Go easy though, it’s been a while”

Nodding, Doyoung starts penetrating him. Slow and careful, he makes his way into Taeil, kissing his back everytime he whines under the discomfort. When he’s fully in, he stays still, looking at any sign that would have him back off.

“You good?” he asks.

“Yeah” Taeil says “ _fuck_ , I forgot how it felt”

Laughing slightly, Doyoung caresses his thighs, relaxing him the most he can. Everytime they had sex before, Taeil was always the one topping. They talked about switching, at some point, but never had the opportunity do actually do it. Taeil isn’t so fond of bottoming, but the look in Doyoung’s eyes made him crack.

“Can I move?”

Hesitating a second, Taeil nods. Closing his eyes, biting his lips, he takes deep breaths. The first few thrusts have him whining but slowly, as Doyoung search for the right way to move, the right amount of pressure to give, pleasure grows.

“Stop biting your lips baby, you’re gonna bleed”

Taeil opens his eyes at Doyoung words. He didn’t even realise he was doing it.

“Go faster” he demands, moving his hips at the same time as Doyoung.

Doyoung gasps “fuck”, then “okay” and Taeil goes completely pliant under him, opening his mouth, moaning louder. It’s not their usually hard, kinky sex session. It’s not their usual attitude to take things so profoundly, so attentionally. Maybe it’s because they didn’t have the same barriers up anymore. Maybe it’s because they allow themselves to be more than just friends sleeping together.

Soon, Taeil is touching himself at a rapid speed, eyes watering a little, thighs shaking.

“You gonna cum?” Doyoung asks, breathless, sweat falling from his hair.

Taeil nods and Doyoung is out in the second, turning him over. Breathes “I wanna see you” and penetrates him again. It gets messy then, hips unregular, orgasms arriving. They’re both panting and moaning and Taeil closes his eyes. But Doyoung takes his chin in between his fingers.

“Look at him” he orders.

Taeil does as told and locks his gaze into Doyoung’s. It doesn’t take him long to cum after this. When his climax hits him, he doesn’t look away. And maybe that’s what gets Doyoung going too, because he comes right after, mouth open in a silent moan.

They don’t talk for a minute, catching they’re breath, laughing slightly. Getting up, Doyoung gets read of the condom and looks for something to drink. Coming back with a bottle of water and a wet towel, he gives it to Taeil and cleans him up. They cuddle then, caressing each other’s arms.

“Let’s be boyfriends” Doyoung says, after some times, nose buried in Taeil’s shoulder.

And Taeil simply smiles, says “hm, let’s do that” before closing his eyes and enjoying the warm feeling in his chest.

 

-

 

Sitting in the back of Johnny’s car, Taeil looks at the city passing before his eyes, Doyoung’s hand in his.

They decided to go out to forget about college and the huge amount of work that’s falling on them lately. Of course, that was Johnny’s idea, and Taeil wonders how he didn’t fail yet, but again, Johnny’s kind of a genius, so it’s not really surprising.

Getting in line, they wait a little before entering the club. It’s hot inside, and soon, the coats they had on are taken away. They sit at a small table, in the corner. Taeil looks at his phone. It’s been a while since he heard from Sicheng, and it bothers him. It’s Ten’s fault, he knows it. He probably told him not to contact him or something and his friend probably listened. Sighing, he looks up.

“Wanna dance?” Doyoung asks.

Nodding, he gets up. The three shots he took a moment ago makes their effect, and it’s easier for him to dance. Glued to Doyoung, he moves his hips and passes his hands in his hair. They dance for a long moment, loosing themselves in the music. When they’re too tired to go on, they come back to the table.

“Where’s Jaehyung?” Doyoung asks, looking around.

“Gone to the toilets” Johnny says.

“I need to go too” speaks Taeil, getting up again.

Doyoung follows him quickly after, leaving Johnny alone to whine. They’re not as much people as Taeil thought there would be and he’s happy about that. He feels like his bladder is going to explode. A few minutes later, washing his hands, Taeil smiles at Doyoung who’s watching him through the mirror. Getting closer, he kisses his cheek slightly, resting his chin on his shoulder.

Jaehyung is nowhere to be found.

“Fucking faggots everywhere I swear”

In a blink of an eye, Doyoung is facing the person who just spoke. It’s a medium guy, hair short, glasses on his nose. He’s shaking his head like he’s disgusting and Taeil wants to punch him. But it’s nothing compared to Doyoung. Jaw tensed like he never saw them tensed, he’s clinching his fits.

“What did you just say?” he asks, voice dangerously low. Then, walking to him “What did you just fucking say?”

But before he could reach him, Taeil blocks his way -barely- and pushes him away. He whispers “It’s nothing” and “Ignore him”. But Doyoung doesn’t seem to want that. In fact, he’s ready to kill the guy, Taeil thinks. Pushing him some more, he’s successful on having him out of the room. Once they’re in the tiny corridor, he cups his face in his hands, forcing his eyes on him.

“Doyoung, look at me” he says “Look at me”

Reluctant, Doyoung glances at him. He’s shaking and he has something like tears in his eyes. Getting a bit closer, Taeil softly shakes his head.

“He can’t say things like this” speaks Doyoung, anger all over his face “He can’t say that”

“I know” whispers Taeil. Brushing his lips to his, he goes “Don’t listen to him, but listen to me, ok? Breath and let him talk”

It takes a few moments, but at some point, Doyoung seems to calm down a little. Rubbing his hair, Taeil takes his hand and leads him to their table. Johnny and Jaehyung are holding hands under the table and Taeil thinks they’ve chosen the wrong place to go to.

 

-

 

“Who’s Kun?”

Sitting on the sofa, reading a book, Taeil looks up. Doyoung, as always, is laying on the ground, papers scatter all around him. Blinking, Taeil takes a few seconds to analyse the situation.

“What?” he asks, closing his book.

Showing him the phone, Doyoung repeats “Kun”. Staring at the lock screen, Taeil feels like drowning. Kun hasn’t called him since they broke up, a year ago. So he wonders why, suddenly, he reappears from nowhere. Taking the phone away from Doyoung’s hands, he gets up and closes the door of his room. He takes a deep breath, heart beating fast for some reasons, and answers.

“Hello?”

He sounds unsure and he hates it. There’s no sound at the other end of the phone for a few second before he can hear a breath.

“Hum… Taeil?”

Kun’s voice is still the same. Taeil doesn’t know why he thought it would change, sounds different, but he’s still surprised to hear it, as if no time had passed. Clearing his throat, he nods, but then remembers Kun can’t see him.

“It’s me” he says.

“Hi, it’s-it’s Kun”

Taeil wants to say “I know”, but he doesn’t. There’s something in Kun’s voice, something he can’t put his hand on.

“How have you been?” he continues, noticing Taeil isn’t answering.

“Fine. What about you?”

There’s a shaky sound when Kun breathes, and Taeil can see him cry. Because he knows him so well. He heard everything sounds, seen every facial expression.

“Taeil” he says, breaking “I need your help”

 

-

 

Doyoung didn’t seem to be pleased by the fact that Taeil went out to find Kun. He didn’t give any details, but at least, he said it was an emergency, that he had to go and help a friend in need. Doyoung didn’t say anything, but Taeil knew he would ask questions, later.

Shaking his head, clearing his thoughts, he runs to the convenient store. This is where they used to go, when they were dating. They would eat and spend hours there because no know never goes there so they where free to be themselves. Looking around, he spots Kun sitting on the sidewalk, hands buried in his pockets, looking down.

“Kun” he calls out, walking towards him.

When he looks up, Taeil gasps. He looks awful. His eyes are red from crying too much, his lips are chapped, his cheeks hallow, like he’s been losing a lot of weight. He looks so fragile, Taeil thinks. He’s not the same joyful boy he knew, but a ghost. And it breaks his heart.

When he moves to him, demanding a hug, Taeil can’t refuse it to him. Hugging him tight, he lets him cry in his shoulder, patting his head, shoulders and back, like he knows he likes.

Doyoung and Kun embrace are very different. Taeil notices that, where Kun is soft and giving, Doyoung is demanding and taking. Taeil doesn’t know how long they stay like this. He doesn’t want to rush things, but a lot of questions are in his mind. Finally, Kun takes a step back, scrubbing his eyes and nose.

“I am sorry” he says weakly “I didn’t mean to cry”

“It’s ok” Taeil responds “I don’t mind”

A few moments later, getting out of the store with food and water, Taeil takes Kun on a walk. It’s a bright day, warmer than usual. Summer and finals are getting closer. Sitting on a bench, in some park, they eat in silence. There’s a group of old people walking their dogs around, some couples and sportspeople.

“Thank you for seeing me” Kun starts, looking everywhere but him “I wasn’t expecting much” he continues, a sad smile on his face “But you were the only people I could think about”

Taeil stares at him, swallowing the rest of his food before speaking.

“What happened?”

He had ideas, obviously. The most plausible one, right now, is that one -or maybe both- of his parents died. And _god_ does he hope he’s wrong.

“I got kicked out”

Surprised, Taeil frowns. That wasn’t what he was expecting. Blinking, he leans his head.

“Why would you be kicked out? It doesn’t make any…”

But he stops himself. The way Kun looks at him explains it all.

“My parents caught me with a guy two weeks ago” he whispers, eyes tearing again “They got so mad, Taeil. I never saw my mom like this”

Kun still lives with his parents since they couldn’t offer to pay for a place. He used to hide their relationship to them, when they were seeing each other. It was always a sensitive subject. Taeil hated hiding himself, like he was guilty of something and that’s basically why they stopped seeing each other, in the end. They would fight too much for it to be healthy. But knowing that they kicked him out after finding him with another man makes him angry.

“Where have you been then? Where did you go?”

“I went to some friends, but it was always just for a couple of nights. And I thought… I thought you could help me find some safe place to stay”

If Taeil was single, he would have offered him his sofa for a time. But with Doyoung around, it’s more complicated. Sighing, Taeil rubs his eyes. He doesn’t know what to do. Of course he wants and will help Kun, but how is the question.

“You can stay at mine tonight and I’ll talk to some friends tomorrow, see what we can do” he says.

Kun thanks him, visibly relaxed. Taeil feels bad for him. He can’t imagine being in his situation. Can’t imagine his parents doing this to him.

When they’re back to the apartment, the sun already started to go down. They talked for a long time after this, catching up. They didn’t break up with hate in their heart, so it was easier, Taeil thinks, to talk normally. Doyoung is still here when they enter. He’s on his phone, neutral, but Taeil can perceive some annoyance in him. Turning his face, his gaze directly falls on Kun.

“Hi” the latter says, smiling shily.

“Hey”

Doyoung gets up and shakes Kun’s hand, glancing at Taeil, questioning him silently.

“Kun is going to stay here tonight. Hope you don’t mind”

Kun doesn’t know where to put himself. He only has a bag with some clothes in, and Taeil knows he must hate it because he was always someone who liked to take care of himself. Doyoung follows him in the bedroom.

“Friend of yours?” he wonders, playing it cool.

“You could say that” mutters Taeil.

It’s silent for a time before Doyoung opens his mouth again.

“Did you two had a thing?”

Taeil turns over to face him. He doesn’t want to lie to him, but he doesn’t want to hurt him either. Because he knows it’s weird to come back to your partner with someone, saying they’re going to stay the night. Even more when the person is someone you had a relationship with. Licking his lips, he nods.

“Some time ago” he says, getting closer “But I am helping him as a friend now. Don’t think too much about it”

Kissing him tender, Taeil hopes it won’t turn back on him.

 

-

 

It did turn back on him. Of course it did. Taeil should have known that things would turn badly, but he hoped. He was naïve.

It was Johnny who agreed to take Kun with him, to Taeil’s surprise. But Johnny’s a kind-hearted guy who can’t let someone alone in situations like this. At first, Kun didn’t plan on staying for long. He just needed some times before finding a job and be able to pay for a place on his own. He wanted to pay Johnny for the time he would stay, too, but Johnny didn’t want any money. He was happy to help a friend of Taeil, and they both were so thankful for that.

It’s been a month now. And Kun is still staying at Johnny’s. Which is surprising because not so long ago, Johnny didn’t want any roommate. Taeil often comes to the house, visiting Kun. And Johnny, by that. Both of them seem to have settle nicely and Taeil is relief. They talk a lot, Kun and him. About college, about finding a place to live, about Kun’s parents. They didn’t try to reach him since he’s been away, and Taeil knows it affects him a lot. Kun loved his parents, even though they had different opinions. He had hope, but it was crashed in a matter of seconds.

Even though they got closer by the time, their relationship stayed friendly. Taeil liked Doyoung too much to hurt in any way and Kun didn’t seem to want any more than just a friendship between them.

Doyoung, on the other hand, began to be more and more moody, aggressive and Taeil didn’t know how to act. He also didn’t understand why he was being like that until the day Doyoung confronted him.

Sitting on his sofa, typing his last assignments of the year before the exams, Taeil gets up when someone knocks at the door. Rubbing his eyes, he opens the door to find Doyoung, standing there, eyes red, like he’s been missing hours of sleep. Letting him enter, Taeil looks at him, worried. Turning to him, Doyoung stares at him with shaky lips.

“Are you fucking him again?” he wonders, shaking “Is this what’s happening? Because if yes, _please_ , tell me”

Confused, lost by the sudden accusations, Taeil blinks several times. He doesn’t know what Doyoung is talking about, why he would ask such stupid questions and how this idea came into his mind.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, getting closer.

But Doyoung takes a step back at the same time, like he’s trying to keep a distance between them.

“I’ve been cheated on before Taeil, I know what it’s like so don’t take me for an idiot or I swear to God…”

Taeil opens his mouth. He didn’t know Doyoung had been cheated on in the pass, and this news sadden him. But he’s not the type of person that cheats, and he never will.

“Can you please explain to me what you mean by this?”

Doyoung just looks at him for a second before he takes a deep breath.

“Are you cheating on me with Kun?”

Taeil is so astonished by what Doyoung just said that he doesn’t respond right away. It seems so out of him that he can’t comprehend how this idea, this feeling, grow on him.

“What?” he stupidly says, blinking.

“I see things you know” whispers Doyoung “I’ve noticed the texts you didn’t want me to see, the phone calls, the way you avoid questions and go out, the way you cancel some of your dates”

He takes a small pause, a single tear falling on his cheek. He looks fragile, lost. Confused, Taeil shakes his head. Yes, he did all of this, he won’t deny it, but it was because Kun told him to keep his situation with his parents a secret. He couldn’t say anything, that’s why he’s been hiding things from him. And maybe he shouldn’t have done that. Maybe he should have said something, give a little explanation without revealing the whole story.

“It’s not why you think” he begins, but Doyoung cuts him off.

“It’s never what I think it is! Never!” he shouts, shaking.

“Kun asked me to…”

“So I was right then” Doyoung cries “it was him all along”

Seeing him cry like this breaks his heart. It’s more painful knowing that, in a way, it’s because of him.

“I didn’t cheat on you Doyoung, I swear”

“Then why are you keeping secrets from me? How I am supposed to trust you if you don’t tell me things?”

Taeil could perfectly return the question. He could perfectly ask the exact same question to him, ask why he can’t speak about certain things, why he doesn’t answer some of his questions. He terribly wants to, but he knows it would only worsen the situation, and that’s not something they need right now. So he stays silent.

He’s torn apart. He wants to give an explanation to Doyoung, make him understand that he got it wrong, but he can’t tell Kun’s business either. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t tell you anything because Kun asked me to keep his situation a secret. I love you love Doyoung, I would never do that to you”

Doyoung’s expression breaks in a way Taeil never thought he would witness. It’s like something broke inside of him, made him suffer like hell.

“Don’t you dare say those words” he breathes

“I mean them”

“Shut up!”

Walking back and forth, Doyoung pulls his hair. He looks crazy and Taeil doesn’t dare get near him. For long minutes, they don’t say anything. Doyoung thinks, thinks and thinks again until it comes to an end.

“I need time” he says, looking at the ground “I need to think about all this”

Passing by him, Doyoung opens the front door. He’s getting away. And Taeil can’t let him do that.

“Doyoung wait! What does that mean? Why do you need time?”

“Please” Doyoung says, staring at him but not really looking “Don’t contact me, don’t come talk to me”

“Fuck no!” Taeil shouts, grabbing his arm.

But Doyoung gets away eventually, sending him a look that freeze him. And like that, he’s gone.

Taeil stupidly stays in the middle of the corridors, staring at the stairs Doyoung took to get out. After what seems like hours, he gets inside his apartment again, sits on the sofa, shaking, confused, sad. Opening his phone, he types Sicheng’s name and starts writing.

 

 **Taeil**  
[19h34] I miss you  
[19h34] I hope you’re well

 

He sure wasn’t.

 

-

 

It’s been three weeks. Three weeks of not sleeping. Three weeks of not paying attention in lectures, not really paying attention at what he wrote in his exam’s papers. Three weeks of wondering how all of this happened. But he did what Doyoung asked. He didn’t call, didn’t text, didn’t talk to him when they would pass each other in the corridors.

He saw Sicheng. Told him everything. And his friend supported him. Talked about his own relationship, how he finally understood Ten wasn’t good for and to him. It distracted Taeil a little. Focusing on other people’s problems was better than crying over himself.

He waited. Day and night, he waited for news, words that would make things better. But it never came. Not until he ran into Doyoung at convenient store. They stared at each other for a second before Taeil walked away, but Doyoung stopped him.

“Can we talk some times soon?” he asked, timid.

Taeil was so chocked that he immediately said yes, any time, whenever.

So here they are now, sitting at his kitchen table, water in front of them. It’s awkward, being here like this after so long. Doyoung doesn’t look at him, like he’s scared or something. Swallowing, Taeil prays for the strength he’ll need for this conversation.

“I am sorry”

Doyoung’s voice is so low that Taeil thought he imagined it but no, the way Doyoung is glancing at him right now proves that, indeed, he spoke. He opens his mouth, ready to speak, but Doyoung stops him.

“Let me explain myself before you say anything, please”

Nodding, he watches him take a deep breath, drink his water, close his eyes.

“I jumped to conclusion” he begins, playing with his fingers “Like I said, I’ve been cheated on before, and it hurt me so much that I become paranoid everytime now. I can’t help it. I don’t care that you slept with Kun before, it’s none of my business but… you left me behind when he came back and all the memories of my previous relationship blow back up and I couldn’t think straight”

He takes a pause, drinking some more water.

“Actually, when you said you didn’t cheat on me, you made me doubt myself. You seemed so sincere I thought maybe I was just imagining things. I went to talk to Kun. He told me everything. About his parents, about you helping him and all. That’s when I realized I fucked up.”

Clearing his throat, he takes a long sip of water. Taeil just stares at him, silent, heart racing so fast he’s sure Doyoung can hear it.

 “So, I am sorry, really, really sorry. I know I hurt you and I hate myself for it. I should have… I just should have talked to you like a normal person would have done”

Taeil can understand him. He guesses he’s at fault too. They’re in a relationship, and communication is the key of everything. He should have explained something, at least, so that Doyoung wouldn’t feel left out. He should have stopped being so obsessed with being “right” and “trustful”, especially when people around him suffer from it.

“I am sorry too” he says, taking Doyoung’s hand in his “I should have known you felt that way. I didn’t pay enough attention”

Doyoung smiles a little, staring at their hands. Slowly, he interwinds them together, giving it a light squeeze. They stay silent for a moment, relief to have found each other again.

“Are we ok?” finally asks Taeil, voice low, like he’s sacred to pop the bubble they’re in.

Doyoung smile gets bigger and he nods, looking up at him, observing him like it’s the first time he sees him, really sees him. Of course, things will take time before completely going back to normal, but they don’t mind it. They’re willing to try everything, give each other a chance to repair the broken pieces.  As long as they’re together, there isn’t really anything that will stop them.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up in the dms ladies (@__babybird_)


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